God is speaking to us about the real issue before us. Through this Word, the Lord is again bringing the cross to us. What does the cross mean to us? It simply means that He is crossing us up. Fasting and prayer is bringing everything right out in the open to test the purity of our motivations and to find out how much self-seeking remains, and whether or not God is really enough without anything else. If you are on some ego trip in which you must have something besides God to satisfy you, you will be in trouble.
The key is in seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness. This is God’s emphasis. Some have put their own emphasis upon the things which will be added if they seek first His Kingdom. Men like Noah walked in the days of the Scriptures without receiving any present dividends. For one hundred and twenty years Noah obeyed God just because that was God’s Word and God’s will.
Our Scripture is found in three of the gospels. We will read the account from Matthew 26:6–16, because Matthew invariably tries to bring the standard of the Kingdom to the thinking of the reader. Now when Jesus was in Bethany, at the home of Simon the leper (imagine a leper who had been healed, inviting Jesus to dinner), a woman came to Him with an alabaster vial of very costly perfume, and she poured it upon His head as He reclined at table. But the disciples were indignant (notice that: the disciples were indignant) when they saw this, and said, “What is the point of this waste? For this perfume might have been sold for a high price and the money given to the poor.” But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you bother the woman? For she has done a good deed to Me. For the poor you have with you always; but you do not always have Me. For when she poured this perfume upon My body, she did it to prepare Me for burial. Truly I say to you, wherever this gospel is preached in the whole world, what this woman has done shall also be spoken of in memory of her.” (The King James’ version says, “for a memorial.”)
Then one of the twelve, named Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests, and said, “What are you willing to give me to deliver Him up to you?” And they weighed out to him thirty pieces of silver. And from then on he began looking for a good opportunity to betray Him.
This woman’s actions give us the solution to the issue before us, for she was genuinely concerned about worshiping and serving the Lord, and receiving with real humility what He was giving to her. She did not do this to be seen. She was not on any ego trip. Today we would say that she had a real revelation of a walk with God. To walk with God was her whole desire. Worshiping and serving God was fulfillment enough. She did not need some self-fulfillment on the side. Her thinking was not, “I want to serve You Lord, but I also want a nice home; I want prestige or a certain place.”
God is getting at the problems in the Walk which could bring it to a crisis. I can see what is coming. People will see the success of the Walk. Churches will be springing up as they are now. The literature is sensational. There is nothing like it in the whole world, and there hasn’t been for generations. God has brought a Living Word to this generation. Because it is so fantastic, we could begin to believe that we are something special. The ego trip would begin to manifest itself if the subtle roots were there. God is bringing us to a crisis to ask, “Are you seeking anything besides God? Do you need something else for self-fulfillment besides doing the will of God?” Can you truly say, “I am completely happy in doing only the will of the Lord.” Can you say, as Jesus said after ministering to the Samaritan woman, “I have meat to eat you know not of. My meat is to do the will of Him that sent me and to finish His work” (John 4:32, 34). He was saying, “All I want to do is to complete the will of God.”
Paul had the same vision—to finish his course with joy. He finally did write, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith” (II Timothy 4:7). That was enough.
“But Paul, you have nothing else.”
“That’s right. I’m sending for a cloak because it is freezing cold here in this Roman dungeon.” He asked for nothing else. He said, “I have learned in whatever state I am, therein to be content. To serve His will is enough. I don’t need what the whole world has to offer: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. I don’t have to have all those things.”
Initially, this ego trip seems to be necessary because people want to overcompensate for their inadequacy. They seem to have a big point to prove because they feel inadequate and insecure and it is not enough to go along with what God wants.
Ananias and Sapphira were walking with God, but something was missing. They were probably thinking, “Oh, we too want to lay the money at the apostles’ feet. We talked it over, but we had better be careful. These are troubled days and we don’t know what the future will bring. Let’s hold back; we have to have something else besides the promises of God. We must have something we can stand on besides just trusting God’s Word and His promises. We want to walk with God, but give us a handrail, because we don’t trust this Way completely. We can’t commit ourselves to it.” There is an insecurity and something still inadequate in the people who think this way.
Then there is the other extreme in which self comes on so strong—the aggressiveness of the self-confident: “Yes, it’s a walk with God. Yes, I want to be led by the Spirit, but I have such good judgment and I know what to do! I can get it done!” This self-confidence makes people so aggressive that they run ahead of the leading of the Lord. They want to dictate it, and so they begin to push, push, push! People have come at me all through the years pushing harder all the time, but I have been like the old plug who can be so very difficult to move. People often say, “Let’s do this, let’s do that. We need this, we need that. Let’s fast and pray and seek God.” Maybe that emphasis does seem right, but if it isn’t, you will have to find someone else, because I’m not going to be pushed! We are going to walk with God and not run ahead of Him. We are not trying to find something to bolster us up. We’re going to trust God and walk with Him.
God is directing us to conduct a kind of January inventory as the stores do. I am reviewing everything: our worship, the whole program. For twenty years I have been looking for a pure worship. It is going to be on a much higher level than it is now. We will have the dedication from start to finish. There is no time to fool around. We will cut everything right back to the bone in order to find the pure, dedicated ministries. I pray a great deal over every step in this Walk with God. Our leaders are going to be dedicated and prepared. They will walk with God. It will be enough for them to do the will of the Lord. It is for me, and it will be for all of them. We don’t need any side trimmings. This sacrificial walk and the way we serve God will be a way of life for us. We don’t need any “gravy” on the side.
I have been told that I should get more of the “gravy.” I know I carry a big end of the responsibility of the Word, but I have passed up the gravy; I have refused the adulation people desire to give me. No publications will ever glorify me in any way. I won’t have it. Anyone on an ego trip will be told, “You will not get the gravy either; nor will you get the gold or the glory.”
In the days to come, people will watch the great success of the Walk with God—the way people give, the way churches spring up everywhere. They will love it and say, “This we must be a part of too. Let’s see, how do they do it? We’ll see if we can work it too. This shouldn’t be too difficult a trick. We’ll throw our staff down on the ground and see if it will also turn into a snake.” And it will! But this thing that God is doing will swallow it up, for there is a reason behind what God is doing. He has a purpose in bringing this Walk to a crisis. The people who look on will say, “Fine, we can do the same thing!” But they ignore the fact that the Lord is taking a long time to work the work of the cross in some of you. They don’t understand that. He is bringing you to the end of self-motivation until only one thing remains: “I want to do the will of the Lord. I want to see that done purely and perfectly.”
You may ask, “Are you pointing your finger at anyone in particular?” No one in particular, but everyone in particular.
Let’s take a look at the right way to worship and to serve in the example of the woman who broke the jar of precious ointment. Her motivation was right. But why couldn’t she save the money as security for her old age? The disciples were furious. The Lord said that at this particular point, the disciples’ motivation was not perfect. If the disciples’ motivation wasn’t perfect at that particular point, do you think that your motivation is perfect now? Have you come to the end of self?
God is weighing everything we are doing in this walk with Him. Not only does He want us to determine which projects we should pursue, but something more is involved. He is weighing everyone’s spirit (Proverbs 16:2). How fast can we move ahead if the spirit within us is on some kind of ego trip, even though we may not have been aware of it?
Those disciples had one question, and I think that this is the crisis question: “Lord, we have walked with You; we’ve given up so much! We’ve been sacrificing all the way through. We hope You have noticed Lord, that we’ve been right in there pitching. Even when persecutions came, we were right there with You, Lord. We have left all. What are we going to have? We did it, Lord; now what do we get?”
Regardless of what you think about this “Jacob bargaining with God” idea, it is not going to work in the Kingdom. “Lord, I’ll tithe; let’s see how much You will give me back. I’ll follow You Lord, but what am I going to get out of it? I want to know which one of us will be greatest in the Kingdom. Which one will be sitting next to You on the throne?”
Don’t tell me that those disciples were not on an ego trip! They certainly were on an ego trip, but when they finally came to the end of it and God brought them through the crisis, they were willing to go all out; and they could say like Paul, “God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified to me, and I unto the world” (Galatians 6:14). It is something to see self die and its motivation come to an end!
There was a little bit of Judas in all twelve of them. Judas held the bag. He was the one among the disciples who had the highest hopes. He was going to be the campaign manager for the Kingdom. He was the treasurer and he reasoned, “If the Lord would only take up a few more offerings, this would really be a going thing!”
How the Lord was grieved by the rich young ruler! He came running to Jesus, “Master, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
“Well, what are the commandments?”
After Jesus named them, he replied, “Master, all these I’ve kept from my youth up.”
Maybe Mamma was standing by, “Yes, he was a good boy.”
“Ah son, it isn’t the gross sins, but the fact that you have come now to the crisis of your life. You have to decide now whether you want to be on an ego trip or walk with Me. Take what you have, son; sell it, and give the money to the poor. Then come and follow Me.”
“I can’t do it, Lord. You are not enough for me. I have to lean on this. I must have this money. It gives me position, a place I need. It’s my life. I must have something else besides You, Lord. You are not enough.” And He went away sorrowfully (Matthew 19:16–22).
Is He enough for you? When you face the shipwreck, and it’s cold and you’re harassed, will it be said of you, as Paul wrote from a prison dungeon, For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world… II Timothy 4:10. Can we follow Him through this transition? Not if there’s anything we want to hang on to, or if there is anything that means more to us than the Lord. Lord, we really want You to be enough. We want You to be everything to us.
There are many good examples in the New Testament of those who stood in the hour of testing and came through victoriously. When the pressure zeroed in on him and he could have saved his skin, Stephen stood up until he was stoned to death (Acts 7:58–60). There were men like Philip—without any ambition. He walked so quietly with no ambition. He went down to Samaria and saw a whole city turn to the Lord. Then the apostles came down to minister and he quietly took off. Anyone else would have tried to build a kingdom, but there was a black man down the road he had to talk to and win to the Lord so he could take the Word back to Ethiopia.
We must do the will of the Lord—but not for a place, not for a position. I’ve watched the men who said, “Oh, I have to have my place and fulfill my ministry,” but I’ve never yet seen them fulfill it. There’s just a little bit of an ego trip in it. There must come a time when day after day you just ache to walk with God; you don’t want anything else but to do His will. You can’t think of anything greater to live for than to have Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”