A wrong relationship usually comes because of our insecurity. We demand that someone be something to us which God does not want him to be, because we cannot trust the relationship which the Lord brings. Consequently, we try to perfect that relationship, not on a spiritual level, but on a human level that God does not honor.
Whenever you truly walk with God and believe His Word, you will be rid of your insecurity. Once you are rid of this basic insecurity within your spirit, you will be able to relate to one another in a Kingdom of God relationship without any fear, without any reservation. This is a truth you could meditate on for weeks to come!
David sang this psalm of fearlessness: The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Note especially what David was saying here: Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war arise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.
One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock. And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me; and I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord. Psalm 27:1–6.
See the fearless sense of security that was in David! A great host could encamp against him; a multitude could rise up to seek his hurt. Though war could come against him, this deep sense of security was in his heart.
Relationships which have a sense of insecurity in them cause people to reach for something that is actually not an answer. They look for a special relationship to an apostle, a pastor, or an elder, thinking that they are in divine order and are being submissive. They need to see the truth: They are insecure, and so they are making their leaders be something to them that God does not want them to be.
A wise ministry of authority has a greater problem of pushing people away from himself than he has in drawing them to the Lord. Instead of clinging to the Lord, they often cling to him. Because of their feeling of insecurity, they look to a man to be something that God did not intend. If they trusted the Word of the Lord, that would be their true security.
Do you wonder then what is the value of having an apostle? A true apostle gives you a Living Word, and this becomes the basis of all your security. If you do not believe the Living Word, a dozen apostles could serve you as bodyguards; and Satan would still get to you and devastate you. Do not put your trust in that which is to be only a channel of God. Put your trust in the Word that flows through that channel. We do not constantly praise the water pipes, but we love the water that comes through them.
Our relationships are being corrected now to the way we relate in the Kingdom of God. You are being weaned away from the channel, because the Word presides. What is your security? Believing the Word, relating to the Word, relating to the Lord. The right emphasis always weans you away from the channel and brings you into the flow of the Word itself. Because you are insecure, you grab for something else. I could give you many illustrations of this, but you can already see that you will eliminate your insecurity only by a Word from God. There is no other way. If you are insecure, it is because you mistrust a Word that God has given you.
Do not go to a pastor out of fear, and say, “Give me a Word of prophecy. Tell me what is going to happen.” Prophecy was never made to be a substitute for your trusting God. Receiving a Word of prophecy does not mean that you do not have to trust God. In fact, you cannot feel secure without a trust in God. Trust in Him with a deep trust. Let this truth take hold in your spirit. Your insecurity will be totally eliminated the day you begin to trust the Lord.
Look at your relationship with the ministries and elders over you. But especially look at the relationship that exists, for example, between a husband and a wife. If they are insecure, they begin to make demands upon each other or adjustments to each other; or they refuse to make legitimate demands upon each other because of the fear of being hurt, because of the fear that insecurity brings. Then they do not trust all the phases of their relationship. They do not find the greatest benefit and oneness in it because something is missing as a result of the insecurity.
Nothing can diminish the percentage of blessing and love and joy in a home as much as for one of the partners to be insecure and fearful. Let one be filled with fear, and much of the blessing will be destroyed.
The same is true even in the leaders. The leader may feel insecure, although the people who follow him do not. If the leader feels insecure, nevertheless, a wrong relationship is conveyed. He demands a relationship which God does not want between him and his people. Also, if the people are insecure, they too demand a relationship with the leader which God does not want.
The Kingdom relationships must be thoroughly analyzed in the Spirit. All the mechanics that we go through must become less and less our focus, and the Lordship of Jesus Christ must become more and more the basis of all relationships. What the Lord speaks is the basis of a relationship, not what we see in one another. The relationship will not be based on insecurity, but will be one that God establishes, as Christ did on the cross when He looked down at Mary, His mother, and at John; and He said, “Woman, behold thy son. Son, behold thy mother” (John 19:26–27). By one Word He established a lasting relationship.
John did not say, “I hope we will be compatible. I hope the relationship will be a nice one. I will take care of Mary, and I hope she appreciates it.” That had nothing to do with it. It did not make any difference. There was nothing insecure at all in their relationship. It had been established by a Word from the Lord; and because they trusted that Word, and because Jesus was Lord over their lives, even in the hour of His death, they conformed completely to what He had said.
You can say, “Oh, the relationship that I have with my husband, what will it be?” It will be absolutely nothing unless you believe the Word God gave. “Well, I have problems.” Everyone has problems. Any two people, born of Adam and Eve, who get together in this world will have problems. “Man, born of woman, is full of troubles” (Job 14:1).
Your relationships will not be what they should be until there is a Living Word from God that you subscribe to; then you will be secure. Your insecurity and your problems of relationship come because you do not believe the Word from God. “But there are conflicts!” That does not make any difference. “There are problems.” That does not make any difference. No one loses out in this end-time walk with God because of problems, but because he has a basic insecurity that is based on unbelief.
We face all kinds of potential dangers now, such as dangers that come to us from persecutions. Who knows what God will allow to come against us for His own glory? Who knows what Satan’s next lies will be? But let us not be fearful. Let us sing as David did: Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war arise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident. One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to meditate in His temple. Psalm 27:3–4. When persecutions come against us, the Lord will bring us into a place of perfect trust in Him.
When spirits of fear try to hit us, they cannot get anywhere if we trust in the Lord and are doing the will of the Lord. Whatever God tells us to do, let us respond to do it. In responding to do it, we show our trust in the Lord. This is the way to build faith. Conversely, the easiest way to lose your walk with God is to do nothing.
Do you want to really move ahead with God? Do the work He sets before you with all your heart. Stand before the Lord and proclaim the Kingdom. Bring it forth with intercession. Every moment that you are in intercession, do it with all your heart. Then you will have the security of acting on the Word and believing the Word. If you do not do that, you will feel insecure, because you are not in a state of obedience where you are trusting the Word to fulfill it with all of your heart.
Waiting on the Lord for another Word from the Lord can be done with a wrong motivation. You can become so confused that you face the wrong direction. “Lord, You gave me a star to follow, and it is behind me now. Give me another star to follow.” Then the Lord will say, “Turn around. The star is still there. I gave you the Word. Follow it with all of your heart.” Your Word from God can disappear only if you face the other direction and walk away from it.
Kingdom relationships are based upon a Word from God. Wrong relationships are based upon insecurity. You demand something from a relationship that should not be there. Are you a babe that should be weaned? You may have more attention than is good for you. Do the will of the Lord. If you are in a hard place, have someone stand with you and see that you come through it. Go to a pastor or a prophet and get some answers. Do not continually say, “I’m going through something, I’m going through something.” Maybe they should tell you bluntly, “If you listen to the Word that is coming, and believe it and act on it, you will not have all these problems.” Insecurity leads you to demand something in a relationship to sustain you, when nothing will sustain you but a Word from God and walking in that Word with all your heart.
All the problems that could come, and all the persecutions that could overwhelm you, are not as lethal as the insecurity which comes from mistrust. If you trust a relationship, you will feel secure in it. But the relationship may seem wrong because the other person is not relating the way you want. Be sure that what you want is what God wants and what God has said. It is the definition of the Word that God has given over the relationship which you must follow. This will help you to mature in Christ.
God has a way of repeating a Word for us because He knows how weak we are. But He will not countenance your receiving one Word after another, then another and another without believing. Under testing, He will reinforce a Word by giving you a Word that will strengthen it.
David was anointed three different times before he became the king over all Israel (I Samuel 16:13; II Samuel 2:4; 5:3). After the first anointing, he went out and killed a giant. From that time, he was so in line to be king that Saul was always trying to kill him. At the second anointing he became king over Judah. At the third anointing he became king over all Israel. All of this time David probably was shaken, but he never doubted what God had done in his life.
Again and again Abraham received a Word from the Lord, sometimes years apart. God did this to assure Abraham that everything would be all right: “This is My Word to your heart.” God reinforced the Word by repetition. It is quite another matter to feel so insecure before God that you do not trust His Word, and you ask for a completely new Word. Then you are mistrusting your relationship to God, and He will never allow His servants to be more to you than you have made Him to be to yourself. Do not look for the leaders to be channels for something that you are not trusting God to give. Do not put your faith in the channels more than in the Lord. It leads to a demand of a wrong relationship between you and the people whom God has raised up to minister to you.
The Lord is laying the plumb line to all our relationships. In our desire after the Kingdom, our relationships are constantly improving. This is not because we are reaching perfection. We still have our little peculiarities and personality idiosyncrasies. What makes us get along with each other with all our varieties of personality? What causes us to flow together as the family? We are relating. God has given us a Word to be His family, and we believe it.
We must not relate to each other in a wrong way and say, “If they are going to be ‘family,’ they will have to do this for me.” By the same token, do not say, “I do not see how we can be a family because they demand so much of me.” If we do not make wrong demands of each other, then we will flow together. Is the process painful? Yes, it hurts.
There comes a time when a child must have a change of relationship with his mother. Have you ever seen a child being weaned? He is furious. He is desperate. He wails, he cries, he sobs, he screams! He is angry! It is inevitable that the baby be weaned. The efforts of the mother may temporarily fail because of the weeping and the wailing. The mother may not have the purpose and strength of heart at first, but a new relationship must be created when it is time for the child to be weaned.
This is what God does with us. A relationship has to change according to the will of God for us at that moment. It does not mean that the relationship will not be as deep. It will probably be deeper. It will be closer. It will be more real. You will want to relate in God’s way. Your pastor may not be to you what you want him to be, but do not withdraw from him. Intercede for him all the more. Become one of the sons in there pitching and fighting, but do not expect to be sustained by what he gives you. Be sustained by the Word of the Lord, and trust that Word with all your heart.