Communication among the people of the Lord must be free and frank, because problems that are buried in the heart and are not communicated or shared tend to congeal and take on a permanent form. The sooner the problems are brought to light, the quicker they can dissolve.
Bitterness is almost always the result of a long-festering problem. The pattern for a spiritual healing is found in James 5:16: “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed.” The key is that you confess your faults and pray for one another. Buried bitterness is strong enough to reverse the dedication that you made when the Lord first brought revelation to your heart. The Word God spoke to you is often nullified by a word spoken by a brother which offends you. The wounds will come, but rarely does another person effect the healing. When your heart is wounded, either by circumstances or by another person, only you can be either the agent of its healing, or the cause of its festering into a deadly infection. You are the only one! You either keep the wound open until it festers, or you believe for it to heal.
Forgiveness is more for your own sake than for the sake of the one who offended you. It is more for your own sake that you be not bitter and unforgiving. Therefore—forgive! When you hate an enemy for what he has done to you, the harm you do to yourself is greater than that inflicted upon you by the enemy. Stop and consider—would Saul of Tarsus ever have been converted if Stephen had not asked that the sin against him, in which Saul participated, not be laid to his charge? Luke 6:37 says, “Forgive and you will be forgiven. Judge not and you will not be judged.” Every negative response in your heart damages and devastates you, but forgiveness leads to an exposure both of your own heart and the heart of the one who offended you.
Forgiveness flows from a loving heart that refuses to allow any offense to separate you from your brother. The moody withdrawal of a grieving or an injured spirit is the shutoff valve to God’s blessing, for if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Heavenly Father forgive you your trespasses (Matthew 6:15). Forgiveness is more than a decision you make; forgiveness must be a state of heart. How often should you forgive a brother who sins against you? According to Matthew 18:22, seventy times seven—in one day. A grudge is not a justifiable reaction to an incident. An unforgiving grudge is a spirit looking for an incident in which to express itself. It is a state of heart. The unforgiving heart can count many offenses, but the forgiving heart can remember none. None of us would be able to stand before God as His children if Christ had not spoken the prayer, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
Luke 6:37 tells us, Judge not, and ye shall not be judged… There are no debits posted in the ledger of the one who refuses to judge. Ephesians 4:26b says very simply, Let not the sun go down upon your wrath. In Matthew 6:34b we read, Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof; but sufficient also is the grace to overcome that evil.
All bitterness is self-destructive. It is the venom that maddens men to walk in the way of Cain, but it is also the unbearable sentence from God of being driven from His presence as Cain was. Eventually, every Cain says, “My punishment is greater than I can bear” (Genesis 4:13). Bitterness and unforgiveness are the motivators and the dynamite that lead us to disobey God and thus destroy our walls of immunity. A bitter heart has no defenses. Hebrews 12:15 warns about a root of bitterness springing up and defiling many; however, it will only defile those who already have an unforgiving spirit. The forgiver is the survivor; he learns the heart of the Father. The unforgiving one knows only his grievances; that is all he sees. Hatred always boomerangs upon the unforgiving heart, but love will heal and restore the one who forgives.