There is perhaps no greater drawback to the Body-of-Christ ministry than the fear of rejection. When that fear becomes a conviction to us, we think that no one really cares about us. The fear of rejection is Adamic in human nature. God does not deal with rejection; He deals with inclusion. God is not threatening to put you out of the church; He is always calling you into the fellowship of the saints. This seems difficult to understand.
From the beginning of human history, it was the fear of becoming an outcast that motivated a group, as well as each individual citizen, to be obedient. Anyone who did not do everything just right was rejected. The fear of rejection was even carried over into the church system, and this was wrong. The New Testament has very little to say about the kind of church discipline that throws people out of the churches. Yet how many churches have held onto their people by the threat of excommunication: “We’ll reject you; we’ll exclude you from the group.”
As the Kingdom of God comes, the fear of rejection or exclusion will be overcome. It is a carnal manifestation of the flesh which God will have to take away. With this removal of fear will come a great deal of freedom. No longer will anyone say in his heart, “I must do what those in authority tell me to do, because if I don’t, I will be excluded; I will be put out there in the outer circle someplace.” More and more we will realize that there is neither an outer circle nor an inner circle. We are all one, and that oneness will become more evident.
How much of the Word of God which is revealed to us is never voiced because we fear being rejected? When you feel your oneness with His Body, you will not fear rejection, and without this fear, you will voice what the Lord speaks to your heart. Are you concerned that this kind of freedom could cause a free-for-all? No doubt some adjustments will have to be made; but we will learn to speak the truth in love and to listen to one another (Ephesians 4:15). At times their Word may wound us deeply, but we have learned to take the Word of God as a sharp two-edged sword that pierces even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow; it is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). You know how hard the Word hits you when it is spoken by an apostolic ministry. Expect that it will do the same thing to you as it comes forth from any of your brothers. Faithful will be the wounds of a friend (Proverbs 27:6).
What will happen to you when you are free of the fear of rejection? Being free from this fear will bring you to the place where you reject any exclusiveness. We fight a tendency to exclusiveness in any movement of God. We all tend to think of ourselves as something special. This is not my thinking at all, and it should not be yours. Let us think of ourselves as a part of God’s great remnant. We know that God has people everywhere, and we are all discovering one another. Even in the most corrupt forms of Christianity, there are so many people who love God very deeply, and they are not to be excluded.
We do not label ourselves, but people often try to pin a label on us and put us in a pigeonhole in their thinking. We do not care what kind of labels others wear; we will not be exclusive. Not only will we refuse to be exclusive within the church system; we will also refuse to be exclusive when it comes to the world.
Just because an enemy rejects us does not mean that we reject him. If the early Church had rejected Saul of Tarsus because he was breathing out threatenings and slaughter to the house of God, he might never have become the apostle Paul (Acts 9:1). But he had kinspeople who were in Christ before him; he mentions them in his Epistle to the Romans (16:7). He had excluded them, but they did not exclude him.
The decision that counts is not the devil’s; it is our decision, and God will honor it. If someone else draws a circle that leaves us out, we say, “We are not circle drawers. Everyone is in as far as we are concerned.” It is difficult, even for most Christians, to accept this concept. They have been conditioned to say, “If you reject me, I’ll reject you. If you don’t speak to me, I won’t speak to you either.” You are making a big mistake if you think that way. Include everyone. The Lord said, “Love your enemies and do good to them who despitefully use you” (Matthew 5:44). Find a way in your heart to do this.
How rejected can a man be? We read of Jesus that He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). While He was hanging on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). He refused to retaliate.
Rejection is a tool of the Adamic nature. Paul told the Galatians that the Judaizers were trying to exclude them, “in order that you may seek them” (Galatians 4:17). The Galatians wanted to be accepted by those Christian Jews, and so they struggled to conform to their demands. They were even circumcised, thinking that they would be accepted.
When some religious bigot lays down certain rules, and demands that you follow them before you will be included, do not be afraid of being excluded. You are the one who makes the decision that you are included.
After Adam and Eve had been banished from the Garden of Eden, they probably wandered around, with their children, feeling very excluded from the presence of the Lord. They could not get back into the Garden, and they probably thought, “Okay, God, You excluded us; now we’re going to exclude You, too. We don’t want anything to do with You, either.” However, the time finally came when they realized that this would not work. And so, in the chapter following the account of the fall, we read, “Then men began to call on the name of the Lord” (Genesis 4:26). Just because you are chastened by the Lord does not mean that you have been excluded from His presence. Just because you have lost some of your privileges through your disobedience does not mean that you cannot be restored.
Job was a man who was perfect in all of his ways, yet he experienced the dealings of the Lord. He responded by saying, “Though He slay me, yet will I serve Him” (Job 13:15). Job was perfect in all of his ways, and he was determined not to exclude God from his heart, no matter what God did to him. Job wanted to serve God perfectly. There was nothing in his spirit that would reject God, even though it looked as if God had rejected him. That is about as perfect as anyone can be. We may cry, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46.) But with the next breath, God leads us to say, “Into Thy hands I commend my spirit.”
Every one of us has had to fight the fear of rejection. This is especially true in family relationships. When a couple are married, they take their vows and each promises the other, “I will love and honor you until death do us part.” They should also say something very real: “I accept you.” A husband may be concerned, thinking that if he does not measure up to certain standards, his wife will have a low opinion of him and reject him. She, in turn, may feel rejected because he is not giving her enough love and attention. This kind of thinking causes doors to close automatically. Those doors are not like the automatic ones in a supermarket which open when you get close to them. When a man feels rejected by his wife (or vice versa), the door between them slams shut in his face, and communication stops. In introspection he asks, “What did I do wrong now?” He feels rejected.
The fear of rejection is so human that it must come from the Adamic nature. It is a tool that is often used to manipulate, and therefore we fear it. Many marital problems would be solved if husbands and wives were not afraid of being rejected by each other. And just as important, relationships between parents and children would benefit if the parents were not afraid of being rejected by their children. Parents often break their backs in labor and sacrifice in order to provide luxuries for their children. They buy things they cannot afford because they fear that if they do not, they will be rejected by their children. Then if a child does reject his parents, they say, “Okay, if that is the way you want it, then we reject you too.” Their rejection of each other continues and the walls keep building. Rejection therefore becomes a tool that accomplishes no good. Not one good thing has ever come out of anyone rejecting another person.
Why do you fear rejection when God wants to accept you? Look what God did to include you—you who were afar off, aliens and strangers (Ephesians 2:17, 19). For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16. The name of the game is not excluding; the name of the game is including. Include one another. Also include yourself. Do not be afraid of being excluded.
The Lord accepts you just as you are. You do not have to become a hypocrite and cover over what you really are. If He bids you come, then go to Him. If He wants to include you, consider yourself included. Say to yourself, “You will not reject me, Lord, and I will not reject You, either.” This will release you from the fear of rejection. This applies to every one of us, and to every relationship.
Have you found that it does not seem to work that way sometimes? When you get “off the beam,” do you find that the Lord beats you? The Word tells us to rejoice when He chastens us, for He scourges every son whom He receives (Hebrews 12:6). If the Lord did not discipline you, it would mean that He was not including you, that He had rejected and excluded you. Then He would be dealing with you as with a bastard and not as a son (Hebrews 12:7–8). But He is saying, “I brought forth My nature in you and now I will chasten you until you come forth as a mature son.” That is the best thing God could do for you. After taking a beating from the Lord, do you ever tell Him, “Thank You very much. I needed that.”
In the relationships within the Body, we must reach the place where we will not fear rejection, even if we fail one another. Our only fear should be a bad relationship that comes because of sin and disobedience, and this should be repented of quickly.
In the moving of God on the earth, the Lord keeps speaking about oneness. However, oneness cannot be generated by a fear of rejection. If anyone says, “I have to be one with this brother, because if I don’t I will be rejected,” or, “I will submit to the elders and do exactly what they say, or else I will be rejected,” he has the wrong motivation for oneness. There should be no fear of rejection in any of the relationships within Christ’s Body. We are not destined to become a group of “yes” men; rather, each one will have the mind of Christ. There will be more varied opinions and different feelings shared within this body of people that God is bringing forth than any other I know of. Unity is usually based upon conformity; people conform because they have a fear of rejection. This will not be true of the Body of Christ. We are to be one—not because we all talk alike or use the same kind of language, or minister in the same way. Our oneness is the result of our being bonded and welded into one by the Holy Spirit. The fear of rejection is not ever to be a part of our oneness. I will not be afraid of what my brothers say to me, and my brothers will not be afraid of what I might say to them. Our freedom in the Lord will become more evident when we no longer have a fear of rejection.