How much do we conform to become one in the Holy Spirit? A truth established in the Scriptures is that we as the sons of God are to be in all points conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29). This does not mean that we will all look alike or forego certain individual personality traits.
However, the basic offensive things of our fleshly nature must be totally eliminated, and the divine nature of which we are to partake is to be brought forth in conformity to Christ. The oneness we have with Christ depends upon our conforming to Him, because where we still remain carnal in our mind and in our thinking, we are not subject to the law of God; our mind is enmity against God (Romans 8:7).
Let us apply this to one another. As brothers and sisters in this great family of the sons of God, we find that there are various relationships which Christ has established (Ephesians 4:11–13). The Christ in one comes forth as an apostle, in another as a prophet, in another as a teacher, in another as an elder or an elder’s wife, a deacon or a deacon’s wife. The brothers and sisters are each finding that they must conform to Christ in their growth and development. Certain things of the fleshly nature are also to be eliminated which, by divine intention, are made repulsive to those who are walking with God.
God brings people together and demands oneness of them; yet there are areas in which they are in complete disunity. That disunity is usually caused by certain problems that exist between individuals, and we must determine who is at fault. For example, between a husband and wife there can be a great many differences. Some of these differences must be eliminated if they are going to walk together. Amos 3:3 says, Shall two walk together, except they have agreed? The Hebrew word for “agreed” is yaad, which also means “made an appointment.” They will have to be agreed. They cannot have opposing principles and ideas. Rather, those ideas must all conform to the Word and to the Holy Spirit’s anointing upon that Word for their relationship.
While there are certain areas in which they must conform, by the Holy Spirit, they must also realize that there are other areas in which they must tolerate the differences. It is an amazing thing that Christ is bringing forth a many-membered Body in unity, and yet it is the diversity of gifts, ministries, and operations which makes this unity practical. Each area of Christ’s Body, such as a hand or a foot, is performing a different function and maneuvering in a different way, but all are subject to the control of the great mind of Christ (I Corinthians 12:12–27).
There are some things to which we will have to conform in Christ. Other things we must learn to be tolerant of in one another, inasmuch as they are part of the basic nature that Christ is bringing forth. And certain other things we must learn to be intolerant of in a brother or sister, and we must work to rid them of this, knowing that as long as those things exist, the perfect will of God will never come forth within them. All of us have seen certain ones who were a law unto themselves. They would not listen to the counsel of anyone. They may have made excellent progress, but there comes a time when they need the input of a brother or sister that literally forces them in God to conform to certain changes, certain levels, and certain ways of thinking.
Wisdom will be required, as well as an immense amount of faith and trust in God and prayer for one another, to learn these things: Where in this oneness do we conform to one another? Where are we tolerant of one another? And where do we violently oppose one another, not for the sake of dissension, but in order to bring forth the will of God? These three areas must be carefully defined.
Let us suppose that a husband and wife determine to walk together in the will of God. Once this course is decided, there will come a time when the wife will become totally intolerant of her husband’s passivity and his refusal to move in authority. This is the great sin of the male. The male ego is wrapped up in the carnal nature, and therefore that male ego must be destroyed. Yet the aggressiveness as the spiritual head is not natural for man’s carnal nature to accept. This is why the more carnal a man is, the more his domination and headship over his family is a fleshly thing and one of suppression, rather than spiritual headship. The more we fail to conform to Christ, the more we emulate or produce a counterfeit authority. This is totally objectionable because that counterfeit authority suppresses and destroys; it does not create as the authority of Christ creates.
On the other hand, the wife can have difficulties too. The submission that a woman gives is sometimes passive. At times it can be very evasive if she lives only to find ways, by some feminine wiles, to circumvent what her husband has laid down before her as the right way for the family to go. There is also a defensiveness within the female. Although it can become a negative conditioned response, it may operate in a right way if the woman is protecting her children from the father—knowing that he does not move in a true authority but in a carnal authority that only suppresses the children in the name of being the head of the house. In addition to that, a woman may take her role seriously as a helpmeet to bring forth her husband. In this case she carefully, perhaps reluctantly, but nevertheless boldly approaches his problems and needs, in order to attain the highest spiritual level possible. She knows that she is limited and the family too is limited by the husband’s reluctance to move into spiritual authority. Of course, this process will lead to the destruction of the male ego, but it will bring forth the pure authority of Christ.
A woman must become submissive to the ministry of her husband as the head. If she does not, there are certain areas in which she will be constantly defeated because she is not accepting the protection or the covering that true spiritual authority could give her. The more she bypasses it, the more she will be open to deception. Eve was the one who was deceived—not Adam (Genesis 3:13, 17). I Corinthians 11:10 says that a woman should have a sign, a covering or veiling, over her head because of the angels. This means that even at this stage of development as we approach the Kingdom, the angels—both good and bad—view a woman’s need for a covering, her need for the authority over her.
We might say that we are coming to the day when there is no distinction (Galatians 3:28), yet there is a distinction where your children are concerned. It is true that we are all sons of God together, but there is a certain stage of development when much of the parental restraint can be lifted off the children as they become responsible enough to handle their own lives. Likewise this is true in relationships between husbands and wives, and also between the sheep and the shepherds. It is true in the whole Body of Christ.
The wisdom in this Word should open the door to a great deal of personal reflection. When Christ said to His disciples, “One of you shall betray Me,” their first response was, “Lord, is it I?” (Matthew 26:21–22.) Let this be our response also to this Word. We must realize that until we carefully follow this teaching, each one of us is capable of betraying the purposes of God and destroying the oneness that we are to have with one another. If we have oneness with Christ, it is inevitable that we must perfect this oneness in our relationships with each other. Oneness with Christ, and one with your brother: the two cannot be opposites—one attained and the other not attained. To attain one is to believe God to attain the other. If we attain this oneness with Christ by aggressive submission, appropriation, and a total acceptance of Him over our lives until we eliminate everything that does not conform to His image, then we also move into the relationship of oneness with one another where the practicality of the first step is evidenced. We cannot say that we love God and yet hate our brother (I John 4:20). Neither can we say that we are conformed to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29) without also conforming to that which is necessary to bring forth the will of God in one another.
A great deal of give and take is involved, and this can be a problem. The more carnal you are, the less criticism you want to take from a brother and the more you want to give.
Some people can dish it out but they cannot take it. The happy situation exists when all arrogance of position is put aside. Let us believe for this to such an extent, for instance, that a man would rejoice in his wife as an instrument of his spiritual crucifixion, as much as he would rejoice in her ability to bring him to new levels of spiritual life in the risen Christ.
A woman should not be evasive, feeling that the more she asks for help from her spiritual head, the more she is relinquishing her control over things. This is true in one sense: We must let go before we can ever take hold. The longer we hold onto human control, the longer we will be deprived of the great blessings of submission. You remember the story about the little boy who kept crying because he could not get his hand out of the cookie jar. He had reached into the jar and grabbed a cookie, and he could not get his little fist out while he was still holding the cookie.
This story teaches us something. Sometimes we hang onto things and create an impasse, whereas we could let go of them and find a release. Let us reach for a complete surrender to the will of God as it is brought forth through His many-membered Body—through exhortations, teachings, impartation, our submission to one another, and the oneness that is developed in our relationships. All of this teaches us not to hold onto the “cookie,” or your hand will be trapped in the jar. Let go in order that you can really lay hold.
I have also found the reverse to be true. I have found that spiritual authority must lay hold of certain things. One time God anointed me to go into a situation and very bluntly tell those involved that in the Lord I must take over. Some feelings were hurt, and a few people felt insecure. However, deep inside, everyone was rejoicing because the control over the situation had become like a multi-headed monster. No one was directing anything. And no one would make any spiritual progress until the situation was all relinquished and apostolic authority took hold of it and brought it into divine order. After that was done, it began functioning in a divine order, and now everyone is free. They all let go of the cookie and they got their hand out of the jar. Then they were able to join hands and do a great work for the Lord.
There is much to be learned in this about families, as well as the spiritual family of the Father. The children, too, need this teaching. As they are trying to express themselves, they often become quite obnoxious. It is a fine line for a child to learn first where he must conform to the truths and principles of the Lord Jesus Christ; and second, where he must conform to the desires and wishes of his parents and his teachers. Finally, as he gets older, sometimes he is brought into a place where to do the will of God he must protest; he must rise up in a complete state of nonconformity.
This is always the big question which must be answered by each one of us: What do we tolerate in our brother and sister with great faith? What do we stand against in intolerance? And what do we simply strengthen and bless, because we have the wisdom to see that the changes they are making are toward the conformity to Christ in all things?