We can easily fall into disastrous pitfalls in our personal relationships. Problems may develop within the family: between husband and wife, between parent and child, or between in-laws. It is wrong to constantly look for evidence that condemns the other person while trying to work out that relationship. Don’t try to be justified in any relationship; instead look for God to deal with the spiritual cause of the conflict.
You cannot decide, “This person is right and that one is wrong”; because in this walk no one in such a situation is right. When you have a wrong spirit in the matter you cannot justify your action, no matter what anyone has done to you. From the beginning of this walk we learned that you are right only if you have a right spirit.
Suppose you have been injured by someone and he says, “I’m sorry, forgive me.” If you have a wrong spirit about it, invariably you (the one who is presumably in the right) are really wrong; and the one who injured you is usually right because he asked forgiveness with a right spirit. I’ve seen people who were just as right as they could be in a situation, but because they became bitter about it, they lost out. If you keep a right spirit or see that you get a right spirit, nothing else matters. A person who is harboring bitterness in his heart should seek to have his memories healed by the Lord. Once a person becomes bitter, his memory leads him to refuse to forgive and forget, and therefore he cannot enter into the blessing God has for him.
You must be able to forgive and forget for yourself too, or you may find yourself in a situation where God has forgiven you, but because you haven’t forgiven yourself, you carry a feeling of condemnation which God did not impose. Rise and enter into your victories; enter into that which the blood of Jesus Christ can give you.
This kind of teaching will help you because it is dealing with your spirit as you walk with God. When you’ve suffered a wrong, the Lord commands that you forgive and forget it. Love you enemies. You cannot afford bitterness or the internal damage to your spirit resulting from a wrong attitude. It has nothing to do with the one who harmed you—it concerns you. When someone borrows money from you and fails to pay it back, the bitterness may build up until you’ve lost more than the money. Forget about the money—it’s not that important. Permitting that bad spirit to take hold of you and gnaw away at your spirit is far worse than losing the money. Draw on the grace of God to erase it and help you forget it.
Sometimes the abuses and grievances you bear are so deep that you feel you can never shake them from your spirit. But you must! You must believe that the body and the blood of the Lord will help you. When you become conditioned by bitter experiences, it sours the sweetness of life, until the whole stream of life is poisoned. You must say, “God help me. God cleanse me. Help me to be forgiving; help me to be loving.”
It’s time to take a kind of spiritual inventory. Is your spirit right? Is your heart right? Is everything right before the Lord? Get rid of the bitterness. You may determine to do better, but you don’t do better. You walk along just so far and then you stumble because that unforgiveness and bitterness, caused by grievances in the past, is in your spirit. You may determine that you and your spouse will get along better now; yet any remaining bitterness in your spirit will color the whole relationship. It’s time to get rid of it with the Lord’s help, as He reaches down to the depth of your spirit and cleanses you.
Many people have had their communion with the Lord spoiled because of bitterness over a mother-in-law, or because of grievances suffered when they were children. I’ve heard people say, “My father and mother used to spank me and force me to go to Sunday school; and when I grew up I decided not to go.” Sometimes that’s an excuse—the symbol of deep rebellion in their spirit.
The grievances you carry in your spirit may have been caused by many factors, and they are probably the reason you cannot break through to the complete deliverance you need. God must deal with that underlying cause and remove it before you can be completely and finally delivered. Don’t only cut off the branches—lay an axe to the root of the tree.
It’s the day for deliverance. It’s a day for release. Enough of going along in a limited measure. God has created us to live efficiently for Him. Way down deep something is clogging up the whole mechanism when the spirit is not right.
Pray for a hearing ear to hear what the Lord has to say. Pray for a spirit that is tender to respond to the Lord. We’ll not ponder upon the ways of iniquity or give ourselves to the paths of sin or to the vindictiveness that is natural to the old nature. We’re not going to be jealous nor vengeful, nor will we seek to avenge ourselves; but we’ll call on the Lord and say, “Let my spirit be honest and upright; let me be of a right heart. Renew within me a right spirit, O Lord.”