God is calling us to intimacy. And that call to intimacy continues even as He brings in the subsequent phases of the Prophetic Timetable that He showed me. It has to be our first priority.
I know people struggle with intimacy with God, because I struggled with it myself. When I became a Christian I was about 12 years old and I had no concept of God being Father, because I didn’t have a very good relationship with my earthly father. When I prayed it was to Jesus or to ‘the Lord’. I never prayed to the Father, because I was wounded by my own father. And therefore I protected my heart.
We all need love and acceptance, and I sought that in relationships with other people (particularly girls, as most teenage boys would). And I found someone who I thought I loved – my ‘first love’ if you like. Then one afternoon I got really seriously hurt by her. On the bus on the way home I vowed that I would never be hurt like that again. I put a barrier around my heart which protected me from hurt and damage and kept everyone at arm’s distance. It kept me safe but also kept me locked up and in a prison. I became a very mental person, using my intellect to package things up so I didn’t have to deal with the emotions. I never really knew an intimate relationship with God or anybody else. So if Jesus was saying ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock’ (Rev 3:20), I really struggled to open it.
Over the years, God met with me over various encounters and He began to heal my heart. The first time, I was in a small group of people worshipping when God spoke to me and said ‘I am your Father’. I struggled with the concept, as so many of us do because of our own fathers, but He broke through that and put His arms around me. I felt them, and I felt His presence, and it enabled me to begin to talk to Him and to communicate with him as ‘Father’.
Then I can remember when Hannah, our eldest daughter, was about one and a half years old. One day she toddled up to me as I was sitting on the settee, looked into my eyes and said ‘Daddy, I love you’. It broke me apart. I didn’t know how to receive it or respond to her. I was in tears.
But it challenged me to deal with the things in my heart. Those things that had protected and guarded me had also locked me up so that I couldn’t feel God’s love. We have to overcome the obstacles in our life that will stop us from experiencing intimacy.
If previous hurts and past experience cause us to protect ourselves, that will prevent us from fully entering into what God has for us. So when we find we are singing songs in our worship times about meeting God face to face, and dancing with Him, being in intimate relationship with Him, that will be a struggle for us if we are feeling wounded.
Now I thought I had dealt with all my wounds, but one time I was in heaven talking to Jesus and He said to me, ‘You have not met the Father’ and I knew inside that it was true. ‘It is because you have a father wound’, He explained. I was going to argue with Him – but there’s not much point in arguing with God. Still I said, ‘But I’ve forgiven everybody! I have forgiven my Dad, I have had ministry. And I have met with the Father before’ (I had, just not in heaven). And Jesus said, ‘You have a father wound’. He showed me a picture of my heart and it had a big scar all over it. He asked, ‘Will you let me heal it?’ and I said ‘OK’.
So for about 40 minutes the Father came to me and spoke to me and He just said the same words over and over again:’ I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you…’. Each word He spoke healed my heart. I looked down and the scar was gone. I had such wonderful times of intimacy with my Father.
It’s what He wants with every one of His children.