This Word will deal with our relating to each other. Almost every problem that we face has been in making the transition to the Kingdom relationships. This Word speaks about the perfect Kingdom relationships that God is bringing. It reveals also our openness to assault through demonic sources, and how to see that ended.
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and curse not. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. Romans 12:9–16.
Among the chapters that are devoted to Body ministry, to the structure of apostolic order, I would rank this chapter as second in importance; the fourth chapter of Ephesians would be first. Like Ephesians 4, this passage in Romans tells how the Church is one Body, but individually members of one another. We each have gifts that differ, and according to those gifts we minister and we function (verses 4–8). But then it brings another aspect of the ministry of the Body; it breaks it down and deals with our relationships with one another and our relationships with the world. And in the final analysis, relationships are the expression of what is in you. It says, Let love be without hypocrisy. Verse 9a. You are a hypocrite if you phony something, and you try to simulate something you are not. You can say, “I’m going to love.” But if you do not have that love, then all you do is go through some motions to try to convince someone that you love him; but the love is not there. So we see that relationships are based upon a true thing in your spirit.
For the clarity of this message, I am going to give you simple definitions for “oneness” and “bonds,” the kind of bonds that you have with one another. Let us identify fleshly and soulish bonds, and how deadly they are when we do not get into the oneness that we are to have in the Lord Jesus Christ. For although the voice of the Lord is coming through to us, there may be other lesser bonds, and they are like many extensions on a telephone that cause the voice of God to grow dimmer and dimmer, and soon you cannot hear it at all.
There are right relationships that are based upon a oneness of spirit with one another. Then there are wrong relationships that are based upon fleshly and soulish bonds, which involve many, many motivations and relationships.
It is typical that when someone is in trouble spiritually, he seeks to bond with someone who will give him sympathy, which he does not need. He looks to bond with people who will give him many things that he does not need. He reaches in his insecurity to become possessive, or to create shallow friendships. He does many things to create bonds at that time because he is actually refusing the oneness of the whole Body.
We should not have fleshly and soulish bonds with others that exceed the oneness which exists in the whole Body of Christ. If we do, what we look for in those bonds is always frustrated and falls short of meeting our need. But when we strive, without partiality, having the same mind toward one another, to have that oneness in Christ—not rejecting any brother, nor letting any evaluation of his personality influence us so that we draw to one and refuse another—then we are indeed into the oneness of Christ.
We have been moving on too low a level; and all of us have been guilty of it. We must attain that high plane of oneness in the Lord Jesus Christ, the spiritual oneness. It is the oneness that rightly relates.
If we do not have this true oneness, then what happens? You may go to a brother who is in need—or he comes to you—and he wants to make a fleshly and a soulish bond with you. The result of such a bond almost amounts to a vampire spirit. He starts sucking, but he does not suck the life of Christ from you. It is not that normal, healthy state in the Body of Christ where the Body makes increase of itself in love through that which every joint supplies (Ephesians 4:16). It is not a healthy thing; rather he drains the life forces and energies from you. And that becomes a vampire thing.
This of course has been the difficulty that many of us as pastors and leaders have had for years. The problem is that you have bonds with many people; you open your heart to them. You accept bonds with people who bond with you on a soulish plane. They suck life from you, but they do not draw from you the life of Christ. On the other hand, when there is the oneness of the Body, then there is a flow of the life of Christ through us and everyone is edified. Everyone is built up, and everyone receives something precious.
What if the wrong bond exists? Pastors can wind up starving their people instead of feeding them if they bond to them on a soulish level, instead of being one with them in the Spirit so that there is a flow of the Spirit to them. I remember how people used to come into a service and demand ministry on their terms. They demanded a relationship with the pastors and with the apostles on a basis that was going to satisfy what they wanted. The result was that I often went out of the service completely drained. I would say, “How did this all drain from me? How did I lose all of the life force? I came into this service with a great deal, and I leave with nothing; yet I ministered to the people constantly.” Finally we came to this conclusion: “From now on we will meet for a prophets’ meeting, and the Lord will speak, and the Lord will direct. If there is to be any personal ministry, it will be by the leading of the Lord.” It had to be that way, for a time at least, for one reason: those people had a soulish bond in the Body of Christ that was a vampire thing preying upon one another, instead of them mutually edifying and ministering to one another in the Lord (Galatians 5:13, 15; Ephesians 4:15–16). This is very true.
Let’s identify these fleshly and soulish bonds. They can exist between pastor and people, between elders and people, between husbands and wives, between parents and children. They exist between friends, and even between employers and employees. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could incorporate this teaching into the schools, businesses, into every home, so that people would no longer seek the fleshly and soulish bonds? If all of our relationships could come to the right plane of spirit, it would eliminate many frictions and frustrations.
What can lead people to form a wrong bond? We all understand that there are many different motivations that cause people to form bonds. A fleshly or a soulish bond can often be identified by an effort to relate on a wrong level—possessively, or by self-interest, or by the need to dominate, or by the need to compensate for insecurity, or by the need to be dominated and controlled, or by the need for a position or a place, and above all, by a lack of divine love or even a personal relationship with the Lord.
Here are a few illustrations of how this wrong bonding works. Observe the churches where there is confusion or discord. The trouble comes because God shakes up people in their relationships to Him and to one another. Consider for instance the relationship between a pastor and the flock. Those who turn on the pastor the quickest are usually the people whom he has tried to be closest to, those with whom he has bonded and has had a social life. In some way, this low level of fellowship, of bonding, got into the picture. Whenever any problem comes up so that some offense occurs, or something wrong happens, you find that the people bonded on the wrong level. They reached to one another, but on the wrong level.
One pastor talked about this “great problem” that he had in his pastorate. He said, “All of the people that I neglected, that I just gave the Word to, stayed by me. They love me; they are one with me. But those that I socialized with, I made close friendships with them, I went often to their homes—every one of them turned against me!”
When are we going to see that unless there is the pure oneness in the Body, we are open and vulnerable to confusion and conflict. Anything on the soulish level or the flesh level is open to demonic assault. It is in the realm of our oneness of spirit with Christ that we will receive every blessing together.
One of our secretaries mentioned to me, “When I gave up seeking a closeness with you and I just determined to be one in the Spirit—to be content, whether I saw you or not, just to take the instructions and work, to have the bond of the Word—then I had closeness with you in spirit. But when I was reaching for it, I didn’t have it. There was always a confusion on it.” Do you understand this? For years I have followed this pattern: When I want to be one with a person, what do I do? I hold him off. It is easy to say, “Come on in. We’ll be buddy-buddy.” But that is the quickest way there is to lose him to the Kingdom of God! Sometimes you look around and say, “I want some special friends.” The best thing you can do is to forget that. Instead, make your commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. Just become totally one with Him.
We find this again in I John: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light (that means that oneness with the Lord), we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. I John 1:7, KJV.
This is because the flow of the Spirit and the efficacy of the blood of Christ becomes operative on that plane of oneness. You are one with God, and you are one with each other. But if you get into that phony thing called social-fellowship, it will destroy you spiritually. We must relate in the Spirit, not after the flesh.
Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh. II Corinthians 5:16a, KJV. In little churches and little groups, people tend to say, “I have a need. I want to have a little fellowship.” Watch it! Make sure that it is not on a soulish or physical level. There are occasions when offenses of lust occur in the Body. But in each case you can look back and see that it probably would never have happened, because it was not in the spirit of those involved to do it; it came about because they reached for something together on a soulish level. And again, it could be because of any of the motivations that we have included in our definition of the soulish level. It could happen because someone feels, “I have to possess another.” Yet you could come under that one plane of the Spirit where, like Paul said, “You own all things” (I Corinthians 3:21–23). On the plane of the Spirit you really possess me. But if you try to possess me on any other level, you won’t have anything of me. If you reach for the wrong relationship, God blows on it. You lose it all.
The oneness that you have in the Body is jeopardized when you look for a bond on a fleshly or soulish level. This is the key. That is why there cannot be inner circles of partiality in pastoring. There cannot be inner circles of favorites between elders and people.
If you find that you feel especially drawn to a certain elder because you have nice times talking together, perhaps you have the same interests, and you say, “This is the elder I go to for ministry,” then cut that off unless it is a shepherding the Lord has established.
Even where the marriage bond exists, I would encourage that every close relationship that exists in the Body be subordinate to our seeking first for the oneness with God. With a total commitment to God, we can truly have a total commitment to one another, but not on any other basis.
This problem of wrong bonding can also exist between a husband and wife. Many times we have seen a ministry such as an apostle, a prophet, or a pastor really functioning; but his wife has never seen her husband in the Spirit. She does not know him in the Spirit, yet she insists, “He’s my husband, and this is what I want him to be and to do.” She feels so threatened and insecure that she determines, “I’ll cut him off. He will not be able to communicate with anybody in the Body. I have to possess him!” When a wife wants a relationship like that with a servant of God she loses all. She says to him, “I don’t have any part of you anymore,” and she is certainly right. She has no part in him because she has refused the relationship that would open up everything else. If she were totally committed to God, she could open up to a total commitment in any relationship that is divinely ordained. That one commitment on the level of spirit and dedication to the Lord could open up the door to her marriage. But if a person does not have that, he or she creates the unequal yoke that God warns against.
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” says the Lord Almighty.
Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. II Corinthians 6:14–7:1.
The life of Jesus Christ flows down, when we walk in the light as He is in the light; then the fellowship flows, the ministry flows, the edification flows—it all comes to us, the life of Jesus Christ flowing through the whole Body, because of the oneness of the Body. It is the greatest thing that exists in the world. That is the perfect relationship. What happens when you do not have the commitment, the oneness with Christ? The minute that that dedication is not there, the people try to sustain themselves by going to one another for help. But because of the low level, they are not feeding on Christ in the brother or sister; they are feeding on the very soul life, the psychic forces, the physical strength, and the mental equilibrium of another person. And when they do that, they become vampires. Listen—we are not blood suckers; we are members of the Body of Christ! We do not draw on one another and destroy one another; we build one another up in the faith. And a right relationship, a true oneness becomes the basis of this.
A mother can become a vampire to her children. She does this when she draws her identity, her position, her emotional stability from another person. She draws a lot, and her children become nervous wrecks. A father who sees his child as a projection of himself demands, “You had better measure up to something very excellent in this world!” The poor child is drained. Instead of contributing to the child, they are taking away from him. How can he survive?
“Friends” can do that, especially when they are sick. Have you ever gone to visit someone like that in the hospital? They just lie there and you can feel them drawing from you. By the time you’re ready to leave, you feel like you belong there too. It is wonderful when we have enough from the Lord, and enough perception, that we can turn people to the Lord. Then when we minister, we minister something from God to them (I Peter 4:11).
I imagine many people feel that I often keep people at arm’s length. Actually, that does happen occasionally. But sometimes people want to relate in a wrong way. Then I hold them off and keep trying to minister to them. They may feel, “I want to be on the `inside circle.’” But there is no inside circle!
We have times of consultation with the secretaries, the editors, and others who work closely with me in the Word. All of us discuss how the Lord wants us to relate. Why do we do that? Because the proximity with which we must work means that we must be more diligent than anyone else to keep the relationship on a pure plane of Spirit. If we do not, the whole operation will fall apart. We are often in one another’s presence. We have to share directives and communications; and after a while we could fall into a soulish level of relating. So our one cry has constantly been to keep the relationship absolutely one in the Spirit. We refuse to let it be on any other level, because the minute it does somebody gets frustrated or feels neglected. Somebody feels that he is out of it and someone else is taking his place. Forget that! That problem does not exist in the realm where you walk in oneness of Spirit.
Remember that you have a place in the Body of Christ, just as each member of your physical body has its specific place and function (I Corinthians 12:18–25). Your thumb is right next to the heel of your hand, where it is supposed to be. Your index finger is also where it is supposed to be. Your thumb is not on your big toe, and your big toe doesn’t care. It is not the nearness that you have in position to one another that matters; it is the oneness of the Body that is the great thing. We are one with one another in the Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that there should be no such thing as jealousy, or preempting another person. Nobody can take your place when you have been set in the Body of Christ (I Corinthians 12:18).
But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, it is much truer that the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary; and those members of the body, which we deem less honorable, on these we bestow more abundant honor, and our unseemly members come to have more abundant seemliness, whereas our seemly members have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that member which lacked, that there should be no division in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually members of it. I Corinthians 12:18–27.
We are beginning to realize that this relationship of oneness that exists in the Kingdom of God is the only pure thing, and it is the only permanent thing. When you are right there where the Word is flowing, you love the oneness that you find there. But you may be there for only a few days; the Lord may move you to another place. Are you going to feel cut off when you’re a thousand miles away, or ten thousand miles away? No! Some of the people who have seen me the least are among the most loyal and faithful to the Living Word that has come. They are among the most loyal and faithful because there is not a bond that is fleshly or soulish, but we have a oneness that is coming forth in the whole Kingdom of God.
We are going to study more about fellowship. “… and they had fellowship one with another, and the blood cleansed them from all sin” (I John 1:7). We need to explore the depths of that statement; because every time we fail to get what we should be getting from one another, it is because we are not bonding on the right level. If I bond with you in the oneness of the Spirit, and not on a fleshly or soulish level, I can draw strength from you that you could not imagine. And you will not be impoverished or weakened by it at all. You can draw from me too; that is fine; but draw in the Spirit. One man cannot do what I’m supposed to do, unless it is done in God. Then all I become is the channel through which the Lord flows. That is what the relationship will have to be, and then to God be all the glory.
We are learning to draw from one another and to give to one another in the Spirit. This was the principle of the Blessing services: we open our hearts to the Lord, first; then we open to each other, and a wonderful, tremendous flow begins. The Kingdom of God is not going to come by some “buddy-buddy” bond. In fact, that is what will keep the Kingdom from coming. Because you bond on a fleshly or soulish level, you open the door of assault. Satan can hit you, because that is the realm that he moves through. Satan cannot touch the oneness in Christ. He wants to stay as far away from Christ as he can, as long as he can, because the real encounter with Christ is going to slay him with the brightness of His coming (II Thessalonians 2:8). So also, as Christ comes forth in us in purity, He will slay the wicked one. So Satan tries to keep us on a plane where he will not encounter Christ in us. We stay on the right plane when we encounter Christ within one another, and we are strengthened by it. But Satan tries to pull us down and put our relationships on some low level, so that he can get in. The soulish and fleshly level is the only level where Satan can assault you.
Almost all of the problems that have occurred in our walk with God could be solved with this truth. This Word opens the door to the Kingdom relationships that God is demanding of us. Our oneness, our worship, our serving the Lord, and our fruitfulness all depend upon our rightly relating in the Kingdom. This Word is so important because all that we have believed to see fulfilled depends upon our rightly relating in His Kingdom to Him first, and then to one another.
If we do not seek oneness with Christ, we often bond with others with a soulish bond.
Oneness in Christ is mutually creative; wrong bonds are not.
Our walk with God should always have priority over our walk with each other.
With a total commitment to our Lord, we can truly have a commitment in love to one another.
A right relationship with the Lord opens the door to a true fellowship with one another.