A Word for All Relationships
For several days, i have been seeking the Lord about kingdom marriages and the Lord keeps speaking one thing. I am so completely persuaded that this is a Word for every marriage, for all of us that are here, for all relationships, that we begin to understand something about what God is wanting from us. Listen carefully to probably the most important Scripture that you could have in a wedding: Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. I Corinthians 6:19–20.
How Can I Say, “Lord, You Own Me” And Then Try To Own Somebody Else?
I have a message, titled, “To Be a Christian.” The basic premise is that when you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and your Lord, you should, in effect, be relinquishing the title of your life from yourself to the Lord. No longer are you your own person, but Christ’s. We relinquish the right to ourselves when we say to Him, “You are going to be the Lord.” He may give us the talent and ability, a commission, and say, “This is what you are to do”; and we do it because we are obedient to Him, totally submissive to Him. We don’t do it as a drudgery, but we do it because we love Him and it is the love-service unto the Lord. We are His bondservants. We are stewards (I Corinthians 4:1–2; I Peter 4:10). We are, as Peter put it, “a people for God’s own possession” (I Peter 2:9). We are redeemed with a price and we are not our own. We know that this is the truth; we know that it is scriptural. But how can I look up to the Lord and say, “Lord, I don’t own myself; You own me entirely,” and then turn around and try to possess and own somebody else?
Babylon Makes Merchandise Of The Souls Of Men
God has such an amazing rule about this thing of possessing. I don’t think that God ever intended that one man should be a slave to another. And yet we still are in the process of thousands of years duration in which we have watched people possess others. These things we have watched, and now we begin to understand the great thing of Babylon in the book of Revelation, where it says that they made merchandise of the souls of men (Revelation 18:11–13). They owned and possessed people.
The World Has Been Built In Futility On The Idea Of Taking A Position That Dominates Another Person
We have gone through a purging period among our own churches; though they started out to be New Testament churches under an apostolic order with elders and deacons, all of that was eliminated until one or two—or maybe more—literally possessed the people and had total control over them. God was against that and has blown on it everywhere. He is saying, “A man does not own a church; a denomination does not own a people; a government does not own people.” I was reading the Declaration of Independence, and I loved it. “These rights are inalienable: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” These are things that we are supposed to have—inherent rights. This is what America’s founding fathers saw that the Scriptures meant. But it is strange how we gravitate back to the domination of one another. The world has been built in futility on the idea of possessing or taking a position that dominates another person. That cannot be. The Lord would destroy that. As we have come to the days of the Kingdom of God, every institution is being shaken.
Every Marriage In The Kingdom Of God Is Going Through A Shaking
The need to dominate, to make slaves of one another—these are things that you may say are not related to a marriage. Oh yes, they are; and they are related to every relationship you have. Every marriage in the Kingdom of God is going through a shaking. They are going through a shaking until some have said, “I wonder if God isn’t in divorce.” They don’t realize that God has a law about marriage; it is a scriptural thing, and God does not want that law broken. But there is also something else coming forth that we have to understand. The unequal yoke seems to be a principle greater even than the law of marriage, for God does not want you unequally yoked together with unbelievers (II Corinthians 6:14). He does not want you to be controlled and dominated and possessed by those who would keep you from giving Him your all.
We Give God Ourselves First; Then We Can Give Ourselves To Each Other
If you love God and give your whole heart to Him, and somebody else comes and says, “I’m going to possess you and dominate you and control you,” sooner or later, God has to deal with that thing. There must come a relationship where God, in the Kingdom, says, “Here are two people. They have given themselves over to Me; they are Mine. Now they can be one with each other.” You see, we give ourselves to God first, and then we can give ourselves to each other in a right relationship. I want you to understand this. This probably is the most important teaching that has come for some time. God is trying to teach us that you cannot possess another person; neither should you be possessed by another person. He is a jealous God (Exodus 20:4–6). He constantly says, “You’re Mine. I have redeemed you unto Myself. Another will not control you. Another will not possess you.”
You Are Not Serving God And Demanding That Another Serve You To Your Own Ends
This does not mean that there may not be a special strength in one partner of a marriage, a strength that helps. Sometimes that is the greatest thing that God can give you, for if two walk together and one falls, the other shall help him up, the Scriptures say (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). We open our heart to the fact that we are a strength to each other, but that does not mean that we are not set to see the fullness of God and His perfect will wrought in each other. You are not serving God and demanding that another serve God or you to your own ends. It is inconsistent with what God wants. He wants us all to present ourselves as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to God (Romans 12:1). Then He wants to teach us that it is not by some unbalanced relationship that we co-exist, but it is by a mutual dedication to the Lord, a surrender to the Lord, a thing that causes each one to come forth into the fullness of God’s perfect will for them.
We Are Raised Up To Create One Another In An Atmosphere Of Dedication And Faith To The Lord
Women were never intended to be second-class citizens. It has taken many centuries to come to the place, at the threshold of the Kingdom, where we will actually see that we are to be neither male nor female, bond nor free (Galatians 3:28), but we are to come to that place before God where we love one another and we create for one another the atmosphere in which the perfect will of God can come forth. This is a new concept, but it is scriptural; it is so true. It is the way that God teaches us to be helpers of one another’s faith. We are not raised up to destroy one another; we are raised up to create one another in an atmosphere of dedication and faith to the Lord.
He Is Going To Have A Seed That Is Holy
There are special functions that each of us have to perform; but this means that in the midst of performing these functions, though they may be individually related to each in the union, it is something very special that God is bringing forth in the earth. He is going to have a seed that is holy. He is going to have a people that are set apart for Himself (Malachi 2:15–16; Psalm 4:3).
The Children Have Been Sanctified
I have had such a witness and revelation from the Lord that the children have been sanctified, as Paul says in I Corinthians 7:14, even if there is only one believer in the union. But how much more, if there are two believers of one spirit, will you find not only a birth that is sanctified, but a continuing ministry that comes through the father and the mother to those children? Two parents can believe together and thus create an atmosphere by which their children can really come forth into the fullness of the Lord—even long after they have left home.
We have no rights that we will lose except the rights to ourselves (Romans 14:7–8). Then we will have all of the rights and privileges that come from belonging to the Lord Jesus Christ. When we become His and when we are free in Him, then we find a great many things will come forth.
You Cannot Be Submissive To Another Person If You Are Not Submissive To The Lord
Ephesians 5:22–33 is probably the Scripture that has been read in weddings more than any other passage. It’s a very important one. It says, Wives, be subject to your own husbands.… You say, “But that’s against what you are teaching here.” No, it’s … as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22. Her being submissive to the Lord starts it. You cannot be honestly, scripturally submissive in the will of God to another person if you are not submissive to the Lord. It has to start on a foundation of oneness with Him. If you always keep this in mind, it takes away all of the problems. You are rooted in the Lord Jesus Christ.
We Are Talking About A Sacrificing Love
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He is the head just as Christ is the Head. It has to become a spiritual thing: he takes a headship over her because Christ is the true Head. Let’s not miss this.… He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Ephesians 5:23–25. This means that we are not talking about a possessive love; we are talking about a sacrificing love. We are talking about a love that you have for the Lord that is so great, and a love that you have for your wife that is so great, that just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it, so the husband gives himself unselfishly for his wife.
It Is Necessary For The Husband To Love And Give Of Himself
There is no logical reason in this modern society why a man should want to get married. It only means that he will have the obligations of supporting a wife and raising children; yet he works and sweats it out because there is an element still resident in the male that makes him want to give himself to a family. Call it an instinct or whatever you want. It is based upon this thing we are talking about. If the man perverts that and becomes possessive and dominating, or if he assumes a tyrannical position, he frustrates everything.
As Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, so it is necessary for the husband to love and give of himself. It is necessary for you to see this. If you do see it, you have the capability of being a wonderful husband.
That Purging Of Spirit That You Effect In One Another
Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Ephesians 5:26. I don’t think that any of us come into marriage really ready for it. We check couples out the best we can; but if we only married the people who were ready, the generation would die off soon, because who is really worthy of it? But it’s in this that we find something very, very valuable.
As with Christ and the Church, the husband sanctifies his wife; he cleanses her. We are talking about that purging of spirit that you effect in one another. I know how that works. It’s a beautiful thing. Paul said, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. Ephesians 5:27. Now we see what the Lord is doing. How much He gives Himself to us! We see the exalted Lord; but we fail to see that sitting on the throne of thrones, Lord of lords and King of kings, is the Footwasher (John 13:3–17). That is how He loves us.
The Basic Thing Is The Way That You Relate To The Lord
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this cause (notice that it says, “For this cause”) a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. Now the conclusion of it comes and you ought to hear it: This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:28–32.
You see, the whole basis is your relationship to Christ. Secondary to that is your relationship to each other; you can’t get away from it. Paul lines it out when he talks about wives and husbands and the way that they function and relate to each other. Then he says, “Don’t forget, I’m talking about Christ and the Church.” Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33. So he just ties it down; it’s a very simple thing. But the basic thing is the way that you relate to the Lord.
What Happens To A Marriage When They Are Not Both Wholly Dedicated To The Lord?
What happens to a marriage when this is not true? There are many Scriptures about marriage that you must understand. Some marriages are being shaken to a point of disintegration because the husbands and wives are not wholly dedicated to the Lord. In II Corinthians chapter 6, you read how you are not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. The only reason we check marriages out so carefully is that if we do not discern what is going to be an unequal yoke (and we can), we are creating a hazardous marriage.
If One Isn’t Going To Serve The Lord, He Will Proceed To Dominate The Other Person
We start from this basis of giving ourselves wholly to the Lord first. If one isn’t going to serve the Lord, that one usually will live on such a soulish level that he will proceed to dominate or control or possess the other person. Or, one will move in a realm of jealousy or passivity, or will withdraw from the relationship. It is very important that you see this.
Your Dedication To The Lord Makes Possible Your Oneness Together
There will always be a question in your mind about what I am saying unless you get into the Scriptures. It says, Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? II Corinthians 6:14–15. It goes on to tell us to come out from among them and be separate (II Corinthians 6:16–18), showing that the law of an unequal yoke was so important. The first law of all is that you love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:5; Matthew 22:37–38). You are to do this; you are to give yourself completely to the Lord. Then you can have a very successful relationship. But He is warning you not to take on the additional problems of being unequally yoked together. It’s your dedication to the Lord that makes possible your oneness together as you give yourselves completely to the Lord.
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then if, while her husband is living, she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress, though she is joined to another man. Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, that we might bear fruit for God. Romans 7:2–4.
There Is A Kind Of Death While You Yet Live
Using a real illustration of death, the application Paul makes of it puts it on a spiritual plane for the first time. Everyone has always interpreted the Old Testament and the teachings of Christ on marriage and divorce that a person is alive if he has a heartbeat. But the Scriptures teach that a person can be dead in his trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1–5). That means that there is more than one way to die. A marriage can come to the place where one person is alive to God, and the other is a corpse with a heartbeat—a spiritual corpse. There are indications of this throughout the Scriptures. Paul talks about a woman who loses her husband and who is still wantonly going after pleasures and sin and so forth, and he says, “She is dead while she lives” (I Timothy 5:6). He nails it down that there is a kind of death while you yet live.
God Is Demanding That These Marriages Be Shaken And Get On A Spiritual Level
This begins to put a new slant on things. You begin to see that it may not just be the devil, but it may be God who is demanding that these marriages be shaken, and that they get on a spiritual basis, and get out of the unequal yoke. Now you say, “What’s the recommendation?” I Corinthians 7 tells that if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; the believer is not bound in such a case (verse 15). It lays certain restrictions upon them about what they can do. But Paul is saying that there is a release, because the unbeliever, in his death, has turned away from the marriage. But he makes it very plain: if that unbeliever is content to dwell with the believer, let the believer not depart (I Corinthians 7:12–13). He is to stay right with it. The reason for it is this: when a marriage is started, it is a very sacred and holy thing to God. Somebody may get married and six months later say, “I’m unequally yoked.” No, you got into it, probably with a good witness from the Lord. You stay with it and try to help that person become the person who can walk with you in the Lord together.
In The Marriages That Are Being Shaken, Ninety-Nine Percent Could Succeed
I’m convinced that in the marriages that are being shaken, not over one percent of them need to fail, if that; ninety-nine percent of those marriages could succeed. They could still come through by the faith and working together to bring the two of them from that unequal yoke. I’m very much in favor of saying, “Let’s believe in marriage. Let’s not believe in divorce.” Above all, we believe that it will work best—in fact, if it will work at all, it will work because we are not unequally yoked, but we want to walk with God and put God first together.
When You Draw Back, Everything In The Relationship Is Dealt With
There is a companionship that you can have on many levels, and none of that will be enough if one of you draws back from the Lord. The Lord says, “If any of you draw back, My soul shall have no pleasure in him.” So we are not to be those who draw back to perdition (Hebrews 10:38–39). When you draw back, everything that you are in, in the way of a relationship, is challenged; it is dealt with. So what’s the bottom line? If you are married, make every effort to keep tracking together and have a lot of faith.
If The Relationship Is Wrong, It Is Because A Relationship To The Lord Is Wrong
Why are the marriages going through it? Because they have not moved from this soul-flesh level into the spirit level. If you want to counsel a marriage that is having difficulties, pull each one off in the corner and say, “I’m going to give you the secret. You go before the Lord. Wait before the Lord and worship Him. Give yourself wholly to the Lord.” Then go to the other one and tell him the same thing. Say, “Don’t tell your mate, but you spend a lot of time doing this.” The next thing then, one will say to the other, “I don’t know what the preacher told you, but we’re getting along a lot better.” Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness; all of these other things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33). That’s the key of it. The key is not in changing the relationship; if the relationship is wrong, it is because a relationship to the Lord is wrong. Let’s get at that as quickly as we possibly can.
If A Woman Dominates A Man, She Will Begin To Hate Him
Let’s look again at this thing of possessing or dominating. We have a familiar phrase for it in the world—the war of the sexes. Why? Because there is a contention; somebody wants to get the upper hand. The worst thing they can say of a woman is, “She’s wearing the britches in the house.” What they are saying is, “She has taken over, dominated, and whipped down the man.” In the war of the sexes, though, you find that when a woman does that and dominates, she comes to despise her husband very much. When a woman gets a man, if she dominates him, she will begin to hate him. And the opposite is true. When a man takes a woman and subdues her spirit and dominates her, pretty soon he loses a lot of the respect and love that he has had for her.
Be One With The Lord And You Won’t Have Any Problems
You see, in this oneness, we create one another. Otherwise, one or the other person is destroyed. We have to create this oneness. I think that I could never give any counsel to you greater than this. Be one with the Lord, each of you, and you won’t have any problems. You will find all the kindness and understanding, all the diligence, all the sacrifice, because in your oneness with the Lord, you are ready to sacrifice yourselves for each other in a way that God really wants.
Walk With The Lord Together
We have been tracking on this for some time, because there are too many marriages being shaken. That shaking will continue until they get straightened out and they both begin to walk with the Lord together with a faith for their relationship.
I would like to give a prayer. It’s a half prayer, really.… “ ‘Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come … on earth as it is in heaven.’ ” Matthew 6:9–10. And this is the Kingdom teaching, believe me. This is the teaching of the Kingdom of God.