For several years, the Word of the Lord has been emphasizing the importance of right relationships. We have learned that we are vulnerable if our relationships are not right. This truth is important to each one of us, because everything that will function properly in the Kingdom of God will be related to it.
We all experience many problems and testings, which God allows in order to discipline us (Hebrews 12:5–11). Is it possible that we can ever learn by easier ways—i.e., by something less drastic than the chastening of the Lord—to break through to what the Lord wants? Would it not be wonderful if we were just as diligent to walk with a right spirit before we receive our chastenings as we are after He has dealt with us? It is important that we consider this when we study relating, for when our relationships are not right, we are vulnerable.
A right relationship will feed you and become a source of your feeding others. But a wrong relationship is never adequate, because someone is always reaching out on the wrong level. A strong spiritual minister will always find many who want to relate to him; and he must be careful, because often they want some special relationship on a human level. They aspire to that; they think they have succeeded when they are something special to him on a human plane. That should not be allowed. In the same way, many ministers seek out a special relationship with the ministry who fathered them, because they want to be some kind of “favorite son” or “close-in Timothy” (I Timothy 1:1–2; II Timothy 1:1–2). Such a relationship will hurt them, because they are grasping onto something that God will have to sever; and when that happens, they usually suffer with a feeling of disillusionment.
If we are to be prophets and prophetesses of the Lord moving through the land, then it is very important that in no way do we allow the local churches to become beautiful little social fraternities. It is very important that we learn how to relate to one another on a spiritual plane. If we fail to do this and allow ourselves instead to relate on a lower level, God will “blow on it” anyway (Isaiah 40:24; Haggai 1:5–9).
Difficulties come when we sink to that familiar friendship plane; then something usually happens which is not good. It is important that we understand the relationships God wants us to have, because the approach to Kingdom relationships—the way we learn to relate to the Heavenly Father and to one another as brothers and sisters—will be purer than any of us envision. Sooner or later, we all have to shift to the right level in our relating.
II Corinthians 5:14 and 16 provide a good scriptural basis for this teaching. These are passages which most of us have quoted many times. They reveal why we have a problem. For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died. Verse 14. Because the transference and the interaction within a body of believers are so great, one wrong relationship will affect everyone. A little leaven will leaven the whole lump (I Corinthians 5:6). Therefore, the relating within a church must not be on the flesh level. This is not referring to something immoral, nor to people having special friendships to the exclusion of others. This is coming right down to the fact that either we will relate on the level of Spirit in the Lord, or else God will deal with the fleshly relationships.
If a shepherd is by nature outgoing and friendly, he may be the cause of many of the dealings that the people experience, because they have not related to him correctly. If he sees this happening, he must develop a conscience about relationships that is contrary to his own nature. This will cause him to re-relate on a new plane to everyone, even to his closest blood relatives. Everything must change, because every relationship has to be spiritual. I cannot express how deeply I feel that the Kingdom of God, in its purity and power, is related to a right relationship, a right spirit, even more than we know.
Therefore from now on we recognize no man according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. II Corinthians 5:16. Like Paul, we must determine that from now on, we will recognize no man after the flesh. But what happens when you see one of your brothers living in the flesh and walking in the flesh? If you are living in the flesh yourself, you will either judge him, or else you will excuse him or even condone his actions. You will put yourself in the judge’s seat; then, instead of helping him, you will relate to his flesh. What we want to have is the purity in our heart, to have a pure spirit before God. When we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood cleanses us from all sin (I John 1:7). There is a constant flow of right relating, and then everyone moves into it.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God (Matthew 5:8). But they also see God in their brother and in their sister; they see God in the little children. Wherever God is, they see Him. Because they are pure in heart, their eyesight is actually tuned to God, focused on God. As a result, they do not see the flesh, but they see what is of the Spirit.
As the Lord corrects our attitudes toward relating, we mature greatly. We literally become a family, and then everyone who comes into our midst feels the family spirit. How do we reach into that? We do not work from the flesh, up; we work from a right relationship to God, down. When our relationship with God is right, then we do not see or evaluate one another after the flesh.
Paul wrote, “Even though we have known Christ after the flesh, we know Him thus no longer” (II Corinthians 5:16). Did Paul himself know Christ after the flesh? It is not likely. We assume that his first relationship with Christ came when he saw Him on the road to Damascus in the revelation of glory (Acts 9:3–5). It is doubtful that Paul had any physical contact with Him on the human level. If he did, he probably would have mentioned it. He did talk about being “an apostle born out of season,” and about seeing the Lord after the resurrection (I Corinthians 15:8). Therefore, we must assume that he himself was not involved with a human relationship. But he recognized the fact that there are ways in which we can relate to Christ as though He were a person of flesh. In fact, if you walk after the flesh, I doubt if you can have a pure attitude toward the Lord. I doubt if you can break through to the Lord, because it is the pure in heart who will see God (Matthew 5:8).
If you do see the Lord while you are walking after the flesh, you will have a distorted view of Him. In some way you will project onto Him your own fleshly limitations. That is why the Lord told the Laodicean church, “Anoint your eyes with eye salve that you may see.” They were walking so much in the flesh that they did not even know that they were wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked. They were not aware that those conditions existed. Therefore He said, “Make yourselves clean; obtain the eye salve so that you can see your need” (Revelation 3:17–18).
We are probably all fleshly enough to observe this same problem in one another. When we see that old flesh in our brother and sister, it often seems strange that they do not see it in themselves; but they do not. The blindness of the flesh walk is the reason why people cannot relate to the Lord properly. You cannot even relate to your own heart, much less to anyone else, until you come before the Lord and seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Then everything comes up to the right plane.
What if you feel that you need a personal, close friend? The greatest disturbance in a church is caused by those who gravitate together because they “just have to talk to someone.” Talk to God! If a person is having a problem, then he should go to the pastors whom God has set over him. Of course, some will say that the pastors do not understand them, but they should not be so quick to feel this way. The shepherds may be having problems too; we are all growing up together in the Lord. Where God places authority, He does not necessarily put perfection. But just because He may not have worked out the perfection yet, do not despise that authority. God put it there, and it will work for your good.
You can often see certain ones drift off together after a service. Do they help each other? Not at all! On the contrary, if a prophet were to pick out a half dozen people like this in a church and tell them not to talk to each other at all, he would find the spiritual level of that body rising immediately. There is a certain insistence in people, “I need someone who will understand my flesh and sympathize with me.” Be aware that there is only one way to break through into a walk with God—the flesh has to die (Romans 8:13). This is what the Kingdom really means.
People want to relate to me. However, I do not want to relate to them as a man. I want to relate to them only as an oracle of God. I want to be nothing on the human level.
You must see the truth behind this, because you may feel that you must have a particular close friend. But the more you struggle for personal satisfaction on a fleshly plane of friendship, the less satisfied you will be with the relationship; and sooner or later it will break up. We have seen this happen time after time. The enduring bonds and relationships are the pure bonds which are coming in the Spirit.
When a person feels insecure, he may try to buy his way into a relationship. It is a response of insecurity. Do not try to buy a spiritual relationship; it cannot be bought. When someone tries to give me a present, I evaluate what is behind the gift. If he is motivated by the flesh and has no walk with God himself, I refuse to accept the gift. This has happened many times. (Moreover, the gift usually is something that he cannot even afford.) When someone tries to buy a bond with you on a fleshly plane, he can become a spiritual leech who will suck life out of you. That kind of friendship you do not need, nor does he! You can relate correctly even to a little baby, and both of you will minister to each other. But when someone who is immature and insecure is pushing in to obtain a personal relationship, you will find yourself instinctively pushing him off. People do not like to be treated that way, and usually they experience quite a disappointment over it. This would not happen if they could understand that it is only a maneuvering by which God is teaching them to relate correctly. God wants us to relate correctly.
Those who are relating on the level of Spirit have fantastic bonds with one another. When one of them is in need, the others bless him and take care of him; but they do not socialize. For example, two brothers may walk together for years with a deep dedication to what is coming forth in the Kingdom, and yet never be close, personal friends. They may never visit each other’s homes, or even sit down together for lunch. Because such a relationship is so pure, it endures. There is never any serious friction between them at all, because the relationship never gets on the wrong plane. The problems come when someone is reaching out because he thinks he needs to receive something on a fleshly plane. When he does not get it, then he withdraws; and by withdrawing he cuts himself off from whatever spiritual flow he could have received.
If we were to identify the churches which have had trouble, we would find that they were the ones that had many social events, such as men’s breakfasts; and there also the people were going to each other’s homes and fraternizing all the time. That is where the trouble comes from. Of course, many denominational churches do not function above a soul level; consequently, that is all they have to hold the church together. Yet look at how much trouble those churches have; and they do not have a true worship, either. How violently the Lord uproots the fleshly relationship!
Galatians chapter 5 will help us to define the flesh. It lists the deeds of the flesh. As you read them, determine whether they are related to a right relationship (that is, a spiritual relationship) or to a wrong (fleshly) relationship. The Greek word for “deeds” is erga, from which the word energy is derived. These are the works of the flesh—the energizings, the actions produced by the flesh. Notice that each one involves a relationship.
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envyings, drunkenness, carousings, and things like these, of which I forewarn you just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19–21. That is what our walk with God is all about—to get into the Kingdom of God. Wherever the flesh manifests itself in a person’s relationships, he does not enter into the Kingdom. It excludes him. The Kingdom does not come automatically.
Does this mean that we will return to a lot of legalistic requirements? It might appear that way, because we will have to learn that the level of discipleship must be pure. We will walk in purity before the Lord. “Blessed are the pure in heart, because they will see God” (Matthew 5:8). Matthew 6:33 tells us that we are to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. These two things go hand in hand. There is no entering the Kingdom without the purity of your spirit toward God. And when your spirit is right with God, it is right with others too.
What is the fruit of the Spirit? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22b–23. The fruit of the Spirit is what the Spirit brings forth in our lives. As we move out of the level of relating in the flesh and manifesting the flesh, and we move wholly into the Spirit, we will find other changes taking place in our relating.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful (trying to assert ourselves), challenging one another, envying one another. Galatians 5:24–26. That phrase “challenging one another” is important. When you are in the flesh, you seem threatened, and you threaten others. Your position or your place is threatened. You feel as though everyone is trying to take your place away from you and push you out. That is a manifestation of immature, insecure flesh.
If someone else comes along who can do your job better than you can, why not let him have it? You will not be threatened; rather, you will then be able to move right on into the next level. You can seek God concerning things that are more important than what you are doing now. Refuse to be threatened by anything! Why should you feel insecure? Perhaps your attitude is that you should hang onto everything you can; but this is the very area in which God is testing people now. Until everything is really laid on the altar before the Lord, you will be threatened. You will be in that place of “challenging one another,” and we are not to do that. We are to edify one another, not challenge and threaten one another. We work at building up the Body of Christ with everything within our hearts. And where we succeed, we look upon the ones whom we have brought forth with great joy in our heart.
When Paul wrote to some of the members of the apostolic company, he called them “my joy and crown” (Philippians 4:1). I feel the same way. Until I see those prophets come forth who can out-minister me, I will not feel that I have really produced what God wants. Am I threatened by them? Right now, I am sustained by the ones whom I am bringing forth in the Spirit. I am not challenged by them; I am surviving by them! Because of them, I am breaking through into everything the Lord has for me. We are helpers of one another’s faith (II Corinthians 1:24).
Be careful that you do not take this truth on a superficial level. We are not telling you that you must refrain from talking to one another, thinking that by doing this you are being “spiritual.” We only want to see an end to fleshly relating. We are learning about relating in the Spirit, not isolation in the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is what should grow in your life: love—love relates to everyone—joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; all of these things cause you to relate in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). They create a relationship in the Spirit, and that is what we are reaching for. We want this deep relationship that the Lord is bringing to us.
Our relationships should develop on three levels, in this order: First, we relate as brothers and sisters in the Father’s family, in all purity. That is where we start. This applies also to those who are married; they are to relate first of all as brother and sister in the Father’s family. That is the primary basis of a marriage relationship. Next, we relate as ministries. Then marriage, or whatever other relationship God brings to us, will be healthy.
A marriage will not be healthy if a couple declares, “We put our relationship as husband and wife first”; and they allow their spiritual relationship to be of lesser importance. Marriages hold together well, and will continue to do so, if the couple are walking in purity before the Lord, if their relationship as brother and sister in the Father’s family really works.
When two people begin walking as brother and sister, the next step will be that they relate as ministries. When they see this develop, and it works, then God can possibly lead them into a marriage relationship. What if the relationship does not work out? What happens then? It would be good for us to examine what happens in the world. When two people love each other and are married, they soon face the basic problem that they cannot live together. Perhaps they have excellent sex; the male and female relationship may not even be a problem to them. Instead, all the other irritating situations create the problem. They disagree about money and various other matters, because they are not pulling together. The problem is the flesh. God made us male and female, but He said, “The two shall be one flesh” (Genesis 1:27; 2:24).
As we come into the days of the Kingdom, we must declare the intent and purpose of God as it is described in Malachi: God wants one spirit. Malachi spoke of how much God hates divorce, because He is seeking one spirit (Malachi 2:15–16). If we can obtain that oneness of spirit—not only in our marriages, but in our walking together as one Body—then our other relationships will take care of themselves.