Why me? Why is this? Why now? Why? Often this type of question can come out of shock, anger, self-pity and bewilderment. We seek meaning, purpose, and significance. This particular question (why me) can deliver none of the answers that would be most helpful. It’s the question that will leave us trapped in our own grief and misery. It prevents us from moving on. It creates an inertia in our soul, and we remain stuck in a moment of time, unable to extricate our emotions. I’ve seen those moments of grief become despair, self-pity, anger, resentment, and bitterness. The heart is overwhelmed, and we despair into ourselves and lose the life we could have enjoyed.
My friend’s brother died when he was only 26. He was walking to work on an icy canal path one freezing winter in the north of England. He slipped on a patch of ice, fell on his head, became unconscious, slid into the water, and drowned. He Left a young wife and two small daughters. My friend’s heart seemed to freeze in his chest. His whole family was locked in grief so despairing they were speechless, adrift and in shock. My friend had never known such awful silence. “The why question” was on all their lips, reducing their capacity to think, squeezing their hearts with its iron grip, numbing them from any other emotion, robbing them of life and purpose.
An answer never came. Some people still ask that same question. They are stuck in the present- past. Life eventually moved on for my friend’s family, but part of their heart was stuck in that moment.
Romans 8: 28-everything works together for good. God does not engineer bad circumstances so that he can produce something good, like a rabbit out of a hat. Rather, he knows that on days life has a capacity to be awful and terrible. In those moments he work within us, around us and through us to bring about some form of release and blessing. Goodness is part of his truth, his nature, his persona.
Traveling north for the funeral my friend felt too numb even to pray. A scripture was doing rounds in his head. Like a train in a loop. Rejoice always, in everything give thanks, this is the will of God- 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18. When we cannot pray without ceasing, it’s because we have not given thanks enough. My friend worshipped the whole way home, six hours on two trains and a bus journey to the House of his childhood. He walked into a room frozen with grief, the Ice sickles of despair hanging in the atmosphere, eyes red from crying, family members stumbling around, impotent in their own tragedy.
That night he had a dream. Short, simple, and powerful. It was two men walking up a hill. He could see their backs, but not their faces. The whole landscape was a riot of color. Flowers of every shade of brightness grew profusely. It was a warm, sunny day, the sky was a perfect blue. The two men were laughing, pulling, and pushing on one another. Two friends sharing something hilarious. I wanted to run to catch up with them sharing their moment. At the top of the hill one of the men stopped and turned. Jesus looked at me with that slow gentle smile of his that lights up his whole face. My friend smiled back. The other man turned, and it was his brother. His Brother grinned at him in that same, mischievous grin that my friend knew so well. My friend’s heart was lifted like it was coming out of his chest. They looked at each other and winked. With that wink of his eye strength came back into my friend.
The Next morning, he told his family the dream. No one spoke afterwards, but the ice sickles of despair began to thaw. They grieved, and they held on to one another. They also laughed and had memories of him. In some mysterious way life came back to them from the dead. His mother became a Christian because of that dream. Family members, still pre Christian, can remember that dream to this day.
“The why question” never gets answered because it’s the wrong question. It’s often an invalid question, it makes an invalid of those who continue in it. Mostly it stems from or introduces us to victim thinking.
We are in Christ and no matter what occurs in life, we cannot look for an answer outside of our placement. The two best questions to ask are found in the account of the day of Pentecost. What does this mean? And what shall we do? Acts 2: 12 and Acts 2: 37. As believers we must always ask questions in line with our identity. More than wanting answers, we must seek presence. The comforter is the only one who can help us. In his presence I get to ask my favorite question of all, lord, what is it that you want to be for me now, that you couldn’t be at any other time?
That question has always been answered.